Yeah; weird, right. Since starting the whole dating game a little more than a year ago, I’ve been noticing a downward trend in my overall happiness with life. Forgoing the momentous trial period of high school and college, I suppose I have some work to do before I know exactly what kind of person I’m searching for. While reflecting upon my previous relationships (all three), I noticed a general trend: in each of these relationships, I gave more than I was given. What I mean by this is that I think I was more into the relationship than the other person was. Reason: I was compensating for a lack of relationship with myself.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
If it hasn’t already become apparent on this blog, I have a love-hate relationship with myself. Poor self-confidence, poor body image and more have all culminated together and have clouded by ability to love myself. So how does one solve this? Date night … with myself.
The Logic Behind It
When we want to get to know people better, we go on dates with them. I figure that I need to get in a better relationship with myself before I am able to actually perpetuate that love towards others, and a date with myself will allow me to reflect upon my strengths, my quirks, my aspirations and what I am truly looking for in a relationship.
What Am I Going to Do?
Naturally, I need to plan a date night with myself. Here’s what will happen:
1. Get Gussied Up. This is a date after all, and I need to feel confident when meeting this “new person.” I will likely go shopping soon to purchase some clothes that make me feel empowered, confident – all the while showing the physique I have earned from my New Years resolution (true story).
2. Clean My Apartment. If this person is coming to pick me up from my apartment, I need to make sure that it is absolutely spotless, which means cleaning the black hole that is my kitchen sink and getting some fresh florals on my dining room table. First impressions come from the first glance; a messy apartment tells a lot about people (yes; I do judge people for this – who doesn’t).
3. Go Somewhere I Would Never Go To Eat. Not going to lie, a date night at Noodles & Co. sounds fantastic and all but, if I’m trying to impress myself, I might want to take myself somewhere nicer. Perhaps try that Pho restaurant I’ve always wanted to try, or give a gander at that place you have been checking out for weeks but haven’t had the heart (or the wallet) for.
4. Turn off Devices – Turn on Inner Dialogue. The sign of a good date is that the person has not been checking up on their social media feeds. By putting my phone away (or simply not even bringing it in), I have time to really chat with myself. I will bring in a notebook with some general questions about dating that I want to ask myself, such as what are my goals in life, what brings me joy, what do I do for a living, what do I look for in a person and more. I might even bring a camera (digital and not “digital”) to record the night’s events.
The goal of the night is to first and foremost appreciate me for being me. This is the first of a series of dates with myself, but I think that it will benefit me a lot. It will hopefully inspire me to understand what I am searching for, without having the distractions that keep me away from learning it.
Do you have any suggestions as to what I might do on my second or third date? Write those in the comments below and I will try them. I expect this to be a long-term relationship, so many options would be greatly appreciated.