Saying Goodbye is Hard to Do

At about 3:00 PM yesterday, I said goodbye to my first real employment. I said goodbye to my classroom. I said goodbye to colleagues (who began to tear up). My closest friend at my school, who was hired at the same time I was, gave me the biggest hug and whispered into my ear “I don’t want to work here next year without you.” Honestly, that was the sweetest thing anyone has said to me and was completely needed.

 I am not sure which path to take.

Per the process of summer vacation, I am beginning to settle down and relax from what has been the busiest year of my life. Now that I don’t have to wake up at 5:00 AM every morning, I start to wonder “what’s next?” Many of the farewells I received included some form of a “you’re going to do great in whatever you do” comment, but I couldn’t help but want to shout and say “but what is that going to be?”

I have had approximately one interview since beginning applications in April. I have another on Monday, but the small bit of panic is still present. What happens if I can’t find a job? Should I move to California or should I stay in Minnesota (I have an uncle in California who has offered me a home)? I am at a crucial fork in my life (midlife crisis, anyone) and I am not sure which path to take.

I have always been a planner – perhaps I should plan things for a living – and knowing that I have nothing to go to this fall terrifies me. It terrifies me that I have to move home again (hopefully short term) with nowhere in sight. If you read my other posts, you know how much uncertainty I have. Heck – saying goodbye to a career is something that I just don’t want to do, especially if I don’t know if it makes me happy or not.

However, as I begin this unwinding process, I have a few goals that I want to accomplish:

  • Create a vision board that shows what I find interest in. The quality I lack right now is clarity, and I think a vision board might help me gain this insight.
  • Read: As an English teacher, do you know how long it has been since I have enjoyed a book? It’s been a while, and I have some really great books on my bookshelf to finally get to.
  • One thing that I really need to do is to step away from social media for a little while. I have been single for way too long, and seeing all these adorable relationships right now is really not helping with my circumstance. I also need to center myself and find what is important (aka: date night).
  • Learn how to code for iOS and OS. I have always wanted to learn this language (I bought a book in *cough* 2011 and it’s way out of date) but I haven’t setup enough time to learn. Now’s my chance, I guess.
  • I need to get out of my apartment. Not literally (though my lease ends at the end of the month), but I need to do things (perhaps the above) outside. For example, it was a beautiful day today, but I am writing this post looking outside – seriously lame.

These are just a few ideas, but I would love to hear more. Send me a comment for ideas that you have for me! I’ll do them. Thanks for listening to my ramblings for today. Ciao

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