Shortlived Happiness

In my last post, I triumphantly proclaimed that I was going to be, from now on, incredibly positive. That lasted about a week, and I honest hit a low I haven’t experienced in a long time. It started with a doctors appointment and a scheduling of an additional appoint to see if I could have a tumorous growth. While I am like 97% positive it isn’t cancer, its a scare that I am not comfortable having in my life. 

Then as the weekend progressed closer and closer, the more emotional I became. There’s this guy that I had a big crush on, but the problem was that he was taken. Well, he and his boyfriend broke up and I was like “that’s too bad, but here’s an opportunity for me to actually see this one through.” One day later this guy tells me he has a date when we were supposed to hang out. Not only did he ditch me, but he ditched me for another love interest.

I cannot begin to describe how pissed off I was when I heard this. That night, I was inspired to watch a sad movie and, as expected, the waterworks began. It felt good to cry again.

I suppose the part that’s really keeping me down is the self-confidence bit. I lack self-confidence, but I am so hesitant to initiate any type of communication with a guy whom I find attractive — I guess because I’m afraid of rejection and, at my current emotional state, I’m not sure if it’s healthy to be rejected over and over which, lately, has been a reoccuring theme.

I know I don’t have any prolific followers, but I would really love to hear your advice as to what I should do. How do I become more social? (assume I have zero friends in this city).

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