“Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who’s the fairest of them all” is a classic Disney line spoken by the Queen in Snow White. Out of fear of losing her vanity (to someone else), the Queen disposes of anyone who inhibits her ability to be the fairest of them all. Coincidentally, this leads into a topic that I have likely mentioned before: body image.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I suffer from dysmorphia — or the inability to see yourself for what you are. In may ways, I have been coaxed by the mirror to believe that, no matter how hard I try, I cannot reach the level of vanity expected of me by the gay community. Yes; the gay community is in essence the common-day evil queen (no pun intended).
Lately, I have been receiving an abnormal amount of compliments about my appearance, which I typically refute quickly. But I am starting to grow tired of doing so, and maybe, perhaps, it is for the best that I embrace that I am attractive. Often this comes from 30+-year-old men (*sigh*), but nonetheless it makes me think that my humbleness (humility and/or dysmorphia) is the reason for my current status in the community I live in — specifically with making friends and the like.
Could the reason I find myself ‘alone’ be because I don’t exhibit an image I’m perfectly comfortable with. The fact is this is incredibly difficult for me to do so because of this inability to see myself for what I am — attractive, youthful, energized, and a fully human person.
I recently have been messaging (in length) and perhaps have a date (more on this later) with someone, and it gives me faith – perhaps even vigor – that I won’t be alone forever and that people can accept in me in my current state. If this person, whom I find attractive, finds me attractive, does this reflect what I actually am? Could this potential something be the necessary cure for my condition? I hope so, because it would be great to finally see myself for what I am.