When you look up at the sky, it might look one way one night but different a different night. While it may be possible that the universe has changed, all you are seeing is a different section of the universe/galaxy. This is incredibly synonymous with the frames and functions of people, too.
I find that every time I take an interest in someone, they either are:
- Not interested.
Rarely does it move away from one of these three options. This week, I experienced the second … a guy I have been interested in became no longer available. While I could sulk in thinking that I was not good enough, perhaps the question should be “why didn’t I say anything in the first place.” One of the common characteristics of my personality is that I am not someone who goes after someone. I want to be sought rather be the one seeking. This is flawed, however, because I am rarely in a position where the first happens naturally.
I’m comfortable with the look or a slight smile across the coffee shop, but when it actually comes to the confrontation, I panic; I silence myself for the security of safety (safety in silence). This may then be the very reason that I have found it increasingly more difficult to make friends. It’s not that I don’t want them, but it’s because I myself am not welcoming these people into my life.
But, from this own self derision, I must also understand that part of the blame also comes from those I associate with. For example, I was talking to this one guy, but it felt more like a friendship than anything else. Perhaps I led him to believe one thing, but we agreed (mutually) that friendship was in our best interest. Since then, I have hardly talked to him and, just recently, this communication has come to a halt. Is it because we are normally not together, or is it because this rift was created. None-the-less, it is important that I am learning how I function within the society so that I can make better decisions about who I let into it.